Wanting more
by Joy Booth
Summary: An angsty look at Mike waiting for Ginny to wake up after surgery.


He had been waiting for hours, but that didn't matter. He'd wait days if he had to. Four hours in the waiting room, half hour in recovery and now this. He watched the heart monitor blinking out a steady rhythm which echoed through his fingers where her hand was held tightly. She wouldn't wake up alone. He knew how she felt about hospitals, how nervous she had been going into surgery. Promises were made. Promises he would keep.

His eyes blinked harshly to stay awake. It shouldn't take this long for her to wake up. Nurses make rounds. Players trickle in leaving gifts and cards. The doctor even checked in at one point. The only one who wasn't making an appearance was her. The worry in the pit of his stomach churned violently.

Another hour passes in blips and beeps, before finally she stirs.

"Hey," she coughs. Immediately he has a straw at her lips.

"Hey, yourself. I thought I slept a lot but Jesus, Baker, much longer and I think it's considered a coma," he joked, though she could hear the worry in his voice.

"Sorry," she shrugs.

The oppressive silence a few moments ago comes back in full force. She squeezes his hand. He traces his fingers over her calloused palms. They both know the truth, but neither is ready to accept it just yet. A nurse comes in checking her vitals, smiling kindly and telling them the doctor will be back soon. Once she leaves Ginny knows it's time.

"It didn't work, did it?" She asks though she already knows the answer.

Mike drags out a long sigh and scrubs his hands over his face. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"I know, but it will be ok."

"How?"

"You did just fine without me for years, old man. You'll find a way to do it again."

"Don't do that." He whines, reaching for her again.

"Do what?"

"Act like that's it, like it's over. There are other doctors, better doctors. We'll find one. You can't just give up."

"I'm tired, Mike."

"I know, but…"

"I know, but I just can't keep fighting."

Mike shakes his head. Even now, her whole life crumbling around her, around them really, but here she is comforting him. How is he supposed to just accept this? How is he supposed to just let her go? He knows he shouldn't, but he gets angry. Angry at her, at the world, at himself, because he should have known better. He should have known that everyone he loves leaves, but it wasn't supposed to be like this dammit.

"It's not fair."

"Not much in life is."

"But this was the one good thing."

She scrunches her brow.

"You weren't supposed to leave. That was the one good thing about me being a hundred years older than you."

"Oh, so you were going to leave me. Is that the deal? It was ok, because you wouldn't ever have to do this without me."

"YES!" He screams, but then the anger melts, as fast as it flared.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles. "For the record, I didn't want this either."

"I know, but…"

"It sucks." She finishes his thought the way she has always been able to.

"It really does."

"Mrs. Lawson, Mr. Lawson," the doctor calls from the door.

"Dr. Shepard, you've spent the last few hours digging around in my brain, I think you can call me Ginny."

"Of course, but Ginny…"

"I know, you couldn't get it."

Dr. Shepard looks down for a moment to collect herself. "We did get some. The post op scans look better than I expected."

"But I'm still a ticking time bomb."

"Gin," Mike growls. He hates when she gets like this. He knows it's her way of dealing, but he could do without the dark humor.

Ginny shakes him off, same as she always has. "How long?"

"With another round of chemo, a year. There is a drug trial starting in a few months you could try, it might give you more time."

"But if we do nothing?" Ginny asks.

"6 months."

Mike chews on his cheeks until they bleed. It's her calls. He has been pushing her for a while, but he won't be selfish anymore. Waiting for her to wake up, wondering if she would, knowing that he had pushed her into this surgery, he wouldn't do that again.

"I'll let you two have some time," Dr. Shepard said, before leaving the room. Ginny turned to her husband of 25 years.

"So Old Man, what do you say we pack up and spend my last 6 months in Bora Bora."

Mike blinked back tears. "What is it with you and Bora Bora?"

"It's where we got together. It's where we spent our honeymoon. Hell, it's where we got pregnant with Billie," she sniffed, tears gathering in her eyes. "We're going to have to tell her."

"It'll be ok. Summer is almost here. We can do a big family trip like we used to," Mike offered. "She told me the other day she was looking at studying in Italy in the fall. Apparently, her fancy college has an exchange program. We could finish our trip there and hang out while she goes to class. I hear it's all the pasta you can eat."

"Can you believe our baby girl got into MIT?"

"She got her brains from her mama, that's for sure."

Ginny smacked his arm though it had considerably less pepper than her smacks had when they just got together. "Don't sell yourself short, my love. You were the one at home making volcanoes and potato clocks."

"True, but you were the one who showed her and the world what a girl could do if she put her mind to it," he smirked toying with the World Series ring on his finger. Her matching one was at home on the mantle with the two others she had earned after he retired.

"We had a good life, Love, that's all I could have asked for."

"We have, so far, just don't hate me for wanting a little more."

"I never have."


End file.
